So I went on my annual vacation to Rehoboth Beach this year and it was a roller coaster of emotion.  Many things have changed in my life since my visit in August of last year.  The biggest of those being the loss of my Mom.  I debated on going or staying home.  What would people think of me out having a good time so soon?  But then I thought...Mom knew how much I loved the beach and how I always looked forward to my vacation every year, so I went.

On my birthday, I walked out onto the beach at dawn and watched the sunrise for the very first time since I started going to Rehoboth.  It was breathtaking and I could feel my Mom right there with me...it was indescribable.  I spent my days walking around town and laying on the beach just soaking it all in.  I didn't go to Poodle Beach this year as in all of the years past, instead I headed up to the less crowded, less "A List" North Shores...a welcome change from being surrounded by speedos and wannabe Ken dolls.

During one of my walks along the beach, I noticed a Mother with her young son.  She was taking him out to the water's edge and every time a wave crashed onto the shore, he'd run back into his Mother's arms screaming and crying...in fear of the angry ocean.  She would hug him and assure him that it was okay, and he would toddle back towards the water until the next wave came in.  Again, he would run and scream.  This happened a few times and each time I watched her calm her son and with her looking on, he'd sheepishly walk out and hurry back.  Then, I overheard something that literally brought me to tears.  The Mother took her son by the hand and walked with him to the water and told him..."Your Nana used to bring me here all the time.  She loved the ocean so much.  There's nothing to be afraid of...each time the waves gather at your feet, that's Nana coming in to say hello and she's giving you a kiss."  And with that, the little boy walked out to the water and finally dipped his toes in.  This time he didn't run away and cry.  He stood there and giggled...he waved out into the ocean and said "Hi Nana!"  It hit me so hard that it took my breath away.

So, I too walked out to the water and stood there letting the waves gather around me.  Each time, I felt my Mom and I whispered "Hi Mom."

I miss her so much that there are times it physically hurts.  There are times that it doesn't seem real to me, that she can't really be gone.  I miss both of my parents.  They were my safety, my home...but I know they will always be with me...and each time I visit the ocean, I will take time to walk out into the water, say hello and feel them both at my side.

Alan Guthridge 10/14/1945 - 10/22/2012
Cindy Guthridge 11/1/1953 - 7/19/2015